It was a boring, crawling Friday afternoon at Rebecca’s Auction Gallery. I wandered through my establishment, exhausted from having run an auction the previous evening, growing more tired at the thought of running again that evening. Such were the enormity of those particular estates that we were unable to offer all the contents in one sale. We had to hold over the costume jewelry, linens, vintage clothing, and several dozen boxlots, and offer them the next night… The next night that was preceded by a boring, crawling afternoon.
Continue reading “Monsieur Edward Chanticleer”
Posted by John J Savo on June 21, 2009 |
Tagged Edward Chanticleer, The Auction World
Yep. I’ve done it again. I’ve changed the template of this blog, and I imagine you must be thinking:
A. Savo is a friggin’ anal-retentive-psycho-theme-masochist.
B. This blog is now the most beautiful it’s ever been.
C. Who gives a shit?
D. All of the above.
Continue reading “Oh, My Feet!”
Posted by John J Savo on June 13, 2009 |
Tagged Blogging, Humor
My writing hiatus is going well, I guess. The time away from the keyboard is helping me sort out some concepts and ideas, but I know that those of who read my musings regularly do miss me. Your support and continued readership is very much appreciated. And so, I have a special treat for you: Me on TV!
Continue reading “The Savo Auctioneers on TV”
Posted by John J Savo on May 13, 2009 |
Tagged The Auction World
Haiku! God bless you.
Nothing but a sneeze of thought
And no handkerchief.
Continue reading “Haiku, Hiatus, and a Sonnet”
Posted by John J Savo on May 3, 2009 |
Tagged English Sonnet, Haiku, Poetry
Long before I found my voice in prose, I was moved to pen some poetry that was inspired by my experiences in the auction world. Here are three of those poems…
Continue reading “Sometimes I’m a Poet”
Posted by John J Savo on April 25, 2009 |
Tagged Free Verse, Poetry, The Auction World
As the comic blogger Seraphine pointed out recently, people can often be divided into two categories. For example, there are those who have and those who have not. There are those who admit to masturbating and those that lie. There are those that know what Twitter is and those that don’t.
Endeavoring to communicate with a younger generation of auction goers, I have listed the Savo Auctioneers on Facebook and on Twitter. There are links to both profiles on SavoAuctioneers.com as well as a feed to display our most recent Twitter updates. As a result, many clients and customers who are unfamiliar with the little blue bird have called me to ask, “What the hell is Twitter?”
I always answer these queries politely and without sass, but being the asshole that I am, raunchy and sarcastic alternative replies to “What the hell is Twitter?” seem to keep popping into my perverse psyche…
So what the hell is Twitter?
- It’s what one does during a great orgasm.
- It’s a chemical weapon that turns intelligent people into twits.
- It’s a slang word for spastic colon.
- It’s an archaic English conjunction: It matters little twitter we go or stay.
- It’s a term used in badminton: What a twitter he put on that shuttlecock!
Continue reading “Boxlot Post No. 4″
Posted by John J Savo on April 14, 2009 |
Tagged Boxlot Post, Humor, The Auction World
Since 1976, the television game show Family Feud has been pitting obnoxious, over-enthusiastic families against each other in a contest to yell out the most popular answers to survey questions. The show is still going strong today.
In an effort to make a few extra dollars (and prove once again that not everybody’s an asshole like me), I took to the streets with my own surveys. I had hoped that the producers of Family Feud would purchase them. I was even careful to use the phrase “we asked” in an attempt to make them sound exactly like the ones used on the show. However, they were turned down via a rejection letter in which my efforts were deemed “inappropriate” and “unsuitable” for the program. Bastards…
Not wanting to waste all the work that went into this endeavor, I have posted my surveys and the answers I received here on this blog.
Continue reading “Rejected Family Feud Surveys”
Posted by John J Savo on April 11, 2009 |
Tagged Parody, Pop Culture
HEAVEN, The Universe — The old adage “more money than God” may no longer have any validity. The Archangel Gabriel has confirmed with AANews that the Almighty Creator of the Universe might be the next CEO to request bailout money from Washington, D.C.
Continue reading “Heaven Might Seek Bailout”
Posted by John J Savo on April 5, 2009 |
Tagged Politics, Religion, Satire
Most of the merchandise that we, the Savo Auctioneers, sell at our auctions is acquired from estates of the deceased. A family member dies, and the surviving relatives are left to liquidate the chattel. Many of these estates contain old photographs ranging in date from the late 1800s to the 1950s, long forgotten and left to linger in shoeboxes in attics or basements. More often than not, none of the living family members know the people pictured these photos, and so have no desire to keep them.
Continue reading “Caption Contest No. 4: Instant Family”
Posted by John J Savo on March 28, 2009 |
Tagged Caption Contest, Family, The Auction World
Array of Anathemas
As an auctioneer, I am always encouraging people to clean out their basements, attics, and garages of unnecessary clutter–to liquidate their possessions. In my physical existence, I practice what I preach. I am the antithesis of a hoarder. When asked by my clients what I collect, I respond, “Nothing. I hate stuff.” I house nothing in my home that I don’t use and have never considered myself a collector. (Although, I once tried collecting Star Wars toys, but sold off my stash after growing weary of dusting it.)
Continue reading “Array of Anathemas”
Posted by John J Savo on May 31, 2009 | 15 Responses
Tagged Humor, My Anathemas, Pop Culture, Social Commentary