THE AUTHORING AUCTIONEER

You are browsing the archives of 2008 July.

2008: Jan Feb Mar Apr May Jun Jul Aug Sep Oct Nov Dec

This week, I seem to be suffering from writer’s block, which is really nothing more than a form of intellectual constipation. The words are in there in my head. I can feel them pressing into each other just behind my left eye. I just can’t seem to push them out. Of course, likening writer’s block to an uncomfortable constriction of the colon presumes two things:

The moth is a blight. The moth is an annoyance. The moth is one of Nature’s superior idiots. Yes, just like manufacturers sometimes produce consumer products that are subpar, the Great Architect seems to have dropped the ball in regards to the moth. This is evident for two reasons: First, clothing and foliage apparently taste the same to the moth. Now, I don’t know about you, but I imagine that my life would be impacted negatively were I unable to determine whether I was eating a salad or a pair of pants. The second, and perhaps the more damning display of the moth’s stupidity, is its total obsession with light. During summer evenings, everyone’s porch lights are swarming with hordes of fluttering drones that range in size from tiny to freakin’ huge. Why?

“It would be wicked to give it a zero because it does show some very basic skills we are looking for, like conveying some meaning and some spelling.” That’s what Peter Buckroyd, a British high school English teacher, told the Associated Press after he awarded a student 2 points out of a possible 27 for writing nothing but an expletive on a test paper. The R-rated phrase consisted of two words: The first started with the letter F, and the second word was “off.” Mr. Buckroyd said that the student would have received a higher grade had the phrase been punctuated. Otherwise, the teacher felt it would have been inappropriate to give the student a zero, because the obscenity was spelled correctly and expressed the student’s thoughts. (You can read the story on FOXNews.com) I have to say that I am rather conflicted over the aspects of this little story from across the pond.

“Absolutely everything I have, I take nothing with me.” That’s what Ian Usher told the entire world when he decided to auction off his entire life. Mr. Usher, a 45-year-old British businessman, had been living in Perth, Australia with his wife Laura. On June 29, the final bid was taken for all that he had and all that he was. As soon as the buyer pays him, Mr. Usher claims he will walk out of his house with nothing but the clothes he’s wearing, his wallet, and his passport, and head to wherever the winds blow him to begin a new life…